Journal

So I decided to follow my friend. I'll make a journal this coming year. It's a daily one so prolly I won't be able to update this blog or if I do, prolly it will be for photos. In short, I'm making this a photo blog now but I will still post some stuffs here. Thanks! Cheers to 2012, Adios 2011!

2011, You've been so bad. 2012, please be nice.

Random.
I took this picture while Mimay and I went to the bookstore cause she was going to buy props for her shoot later that day. It was technically the last days of exams but no one has. This pic's part of my "Lomo x Digital" Project, where I'm trying to make the photos I took with my 550d look like they were taken from a lomo cam. plus, it make me think if I still need/ want to buy a lomo cam. Whatcha thinkkkk??

#ForeverAlone

Okay, So I wasn't really supposed to post right now cause I just did last night and it would suffice for two days but I'm posting right now (Okay, I sound dumb too.) cause I saw a post of my friend about him and his"friend." Okay, she's our friend too but there's something going on between them. Fine, it leaves me alone. FOREVER ALONE. I'm the only one among us who's not into a relationship or courting someone. It's like they're courting each other. Man, why am I forever alone? Hahaha

But look, here's the thing. I won't court her yet. Weird right? On top of that, Only a few people knows her. I won't let the same mistake happen again. I think that's part of the reason why we ended nothing back then. Plus, she's different. Basta, I'm starting to make my move. With last night's promise, I know I'm on the right track.

SG Moves

So I watched Myxed Lives and today's episode was shot in Singapore. I remember when we went there last September. We had the same routine, even the hotel. Remember too when I told you that I'm looking for someone to come with me on January to watch FTP live in Fort Canning? Well, I'm cancelling it. I'm broke.

With this, I promise that I'll go to SG with someone special. I'll ask her to come with me and just spent maybe a couple of days or a week with just the two of us. But I think after graduating and getting a job pa. Yes, I'll buy you your ticket, libre ko na :)

Wrath of Man- Induced Catastrophe

"Man, I'm so fucked up. EDSA's traffic is unbearable."
"Too cold here. I need a jacket and someone to cuddle."
"Give me something to do. I'm too darn bored."

Heard, seen, said or posted any of these three statements last Friday and Saturday? Prolly yes. I myself is guilty of this. Why guilty? I'm guilty because it seems that I have the biggest problem, mentioned above, while our brothers and sisters down south are battling for their lives in the wake of Tropical Storm Sendong.

Earlier this week, it was on the news that a storm will hit the country Friday night but it won't be as worse as the earlier typhoons that visited the country. We didn't even hear any news that there was an on- going repackaging of relief goods and evacuation of residents, right? So last Friday night, at the midst of the cold, traffic- stricken and boring Friday night in the metro, there was an action down south. It wasn't the regular fight between the nation's army and leftist group but a battle between life and death brought by the said storm. As the night continued, we ate, slept and probably partied all night long that we got shocked by the news early Saturday morning that more than 100 are dead and more than 800 people are missing and feared dead last night due to the continuous heavy rainfall on Mindanao, especially on Iligan and Cagayan de Oro. They say that this is way worse than 2009's Ondoy that killed around 300+ people here in Manila. Why? The rainfall brought by Sendong is higher by 20.00mm+ per hour than Ondoy. As many knew what happened, donations started pouring in. Call for help started to surround our television sets, radio, cellphone, Facebook and Twitter.

This catastrophe let me realize many things. First, life is so precious that it may be taken away from you at the time that nobody expects. I know I've said this when AJ passed away but I'm saying it again because most of us, including me back then, don't value life. We have "This too shall pass." mentality, which at certain aspects is right, but looking at a different perspective, it's wrong. We shouldn't just let things pass, we should examine it, give it a try, learn from it and live what you have learned. That's life. Second is that the environment's can be our best friend and at the same time our worst enemy. It can be our best friend in the sense that we can depend our lives on it. We get everything that we need from her. But because of man's unending desire for wealth, we end up killing her so she would counter attack on the things we did. I think it's pretty much safe to say that we people deserve and don't deserve this tragedy at the same time. Just imagine, Mindanao, called the "Land of Promise" for it's pristine natural wonders, is having a dilemma on it's own ecosystem. Why? Greedy people are stashing down trees. On the contrary, we don't deserve it too. People died, especially children who have nothing to do with this tree- cutting incidents have perished. Why can't she run after those who try to kill her? Oh well, again, life is unfair. Third, we still live by our customs and tradition. We may not see real life situations of those Bayanihan paintings of lifting houses but it is still practiced by everyone, whether from the metro or not. We easily responded to the call of our fellowmen down south. We forgot our cultural, historical and religious differences just to help each other. This is one of the moments I'm proud that I am Pinoy. Calamities may bring us down temporarily but we stand and conquer it as one, despite of the said differences.

As of this writing, per CNN and PNRC, 650 people, mostly children, aged people and women, have perished from this tragic incident. May we learn from this incident, again. We got some lessons from the Metro's Ondoy but this too shall give us a more remarkable lesson.

As of this writing too, only a few people were tweeting about traffic, boredom and coldness. Perhaps, we have learned that more people are in need of help and attention.

Pinoy’y ating maaasahan
Kailan ma’y di ka iiwan
Handang tumulong sa iyo
Ano man ang pagdaanan mo

Lumalaban sa hamon ng buhay
Hanggang sa ating tagumpay
Mahirap man pagdaanan
Kayang kaya natin ‘yan!

"THE" JMZ

It's up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO-t2_RGwrg

BOOK IT!

12.18.11

12:11 PM (MNL)

www.youtube.com/user/jmchlz

BOOK IT!!

JMZ

There's the schedule! Watch me during these times! Btw, if there's an error for the time conversion, sorry and just convert the Manila time to your local time zone. Thanks!

JMZ IS MR. WORLDWIDE!!

Hey guys! Watch me on my creative portfolio to be uploaded on Sunday, December 18, 2011, at 2:00 AM(Manila Time), on youtube! Do it anytime and anywhere in the world! Just type the link given and watch it there! Let me know what you think about it by commenting on the video!

iMean

There are two instances in a mall that pisses me off: people who would use a gadget to take a picture of them then eventually save it and use it as the gadget's wallpaper and people who doesn't seem to have brought their manners when it comes to product testing.

My sister, her boyfriend and I went to SM to buy something for her sudden exchange gift (See what I mean with SM being a mushroom?!) After buying a present, we decided to just stroll around. We then went to Accent Micro since I'm looking for a replacement for my baby laptop (RIP LENOVO S10-3C) Instead of seeing one, I went to the corner where there are two iPads that can be used by anyone. I took the one on the left side since somebody's using the other one. As I used it, BV came as I noticed that the wallpaper of the iPad are those freakin' customers who would take pictures, save it and use it as wallpaper. Artista ba kayo? So I played a little game. I changed the iPad's wallpaper into a funnier picture. As I did that, a lady from my back was going to get my place, LITERALLY. I didn't let her but after changing the wallpaper, I locked the iPad and went off. I know she can use it since there's no lock code but I know she still can't. (I'll sound fucking mean here) Based from how she looked, I know she can't figure how to unlock it. I observed her. She got my place, held the iPad on her two hands and figured out how to use it. From my perspective, I can see that she was troubled that she can't get a hold of what I used and had fun playing. She then examined the iPad's rear and still ended up with nothing while I was laughing naughtily inside my mind and smiling outside. She then made a 360 degree view of the gadget and walked away from it.

Moral lesson of the story? Never mess up with store gadgets and me or you'll end up like a clown. Plus, don't forget your manners. Like me, being mean- spirited is part of it cause I know it's useful tho it's negative. It radiates positivity in some moments.

Dalawa. Two. Dos

Two things that keeps me busy: studies and photography.

It's exam week yet it's still hell week. I know most people would agree with it but for us, no. We were used to call the week before the exams as hell week but this term is different. It's just prelims but it's way worse than all our final terms from first year til last term combined. How much more for midterms and finals? Oh well, we chose this course and we're gonna finish it with a bang!

The image looks different right? Last Sunday, I asked my parents to buy the DSLR that I want. They did cause I need it for school and the offer's too good to avoid. So there, I have my Canon 550D. I'm still studying how to make good photos.

That's why I'm busy.

Stay positive everyone! : )

SM Here and There

Earlier I went to the new mall near our school. Man, it was freakin packed with people! Okay, I get it, it just opened a couple of hours ago so that's why. Btw, the mall's a ppp between the city government and sm prime. Enough with that info so I went straight to the mall. Since it was packed, I need to cue to get inside. It was so cute! It looks like Walmart and Target! I love how they positioned everything! So I was heading for the food since I went there cause I was too hungry but I didn't buy cause the line was so long! How long? Prolly around 100m for each counter! So I tried to go to the food stalls in front but lady bad luck strike me that even Pao Tsin was packed. I tried going to Jollibee and Chowking but man the lines were near the entrance doors! For every cashier yun ha! So I went to Mang Inasal hoping to eat a little but didn't manage too. I also saw that near that store was the sort of Market! Market! inspired shops. I pity those sellers cause they are going head to head with a retail giant. After that I tried to get a jeep going straight to my stop but didn't see any so I decided to take another jeep then just ride the bus. Funny thing while I was on the bus was that I almost need not to pay cause the guy didn't really approached me but I approached him to give him my money. After going off from the bus, I also saw another sign: SAVE MORE SALITRAN- DECEMBER 15, 2011. Man, SM's everywhere!! Seriously, let's occupy makati! haha

Well that's for today's misadventure! :))

Wishlist

Every year, I come up with the best wishlist. Of course, I'm the one who makes em so for me it's the best! Waley :) Whenever my friends would see that and we're gonna have a kris kringle, they would surely say "Titigil muna ko ng isang taon." But I guess this year it's pretty much different. This is a SERIOUS wishlist.

1) Somedaydream's album, better if Rez signed it :)
2) Crest White Strips
3) White V-Neck shirt from Bench
4) Colored Crew Neck shirt
5) John Green's Looking For Alaska
6) Oreo Double Stuf
7) Starbucks 2012 Planner. Yes, I have the card but I'm too darn sawa with it so can I just have one without even bothering to drink some frappe? :)
8) All of Mitch Albom's books, and of course

MINI COOPER, any model will do :) Yes, it's still here but you can make cash pledges to help me finance this project :)

Seriously, those are the things I want to get this Christmas. I dropped some cause I can see em coming already :)

14-15 JAN 2012 SINGAPORE TRIP/ FOSTER THE PEOPLE CONCERT

14-15 JAN 2012 SINGAPORE TRIP/ FOSTER THE PEOPLE CONCERT

14 JAN 2012
7:00- 10:00 AM- LEAVE MANILA VIA PAL
10:00- 11:00AM- ARRIVE IN CHANGI
11:00- 12:00PM- LUNCH- CHANGI
1:00- 6:00PM- ORCHARD TOUR/ DINNER/ REST
8:00PM- FOSTER THE PEOPLE CONCERT

15 JAN 2012
12:00-6:00AM- MUSTAFA TOUR/ SNACKS/ STREET WALK/ REST
6:00- 8:00AM- BREAKFAST
8:00- 10:00AM- NEWATER TOUR
10:00- 11:00AM- LUNCH
11:00- 6:00PM- UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
6:00- 7:00PM- DINNER
7:00- 9:00PM- CHINATOWN
11:00- 2:00AM(16 JAN)- LEAVE SIN VIA PAL

16 JAN 2012
2:00AM- ARRIVE AT MNL

YOU MAY OPT TO CANCEL THE MUSTAFA TOUR AND GET  A REST AT A HOTEL, AT YOUR EXPENSE.

A Good Life

I think this post's too awkward and ironic. Just right now, i stopped crying. Don't bother asking because I won't tell it anyway. From this, I came with an idea. Why bother reform every now and then if the same problem strikes me. Well, it's not really the same since I think this time I got what's wrong and with this new idea, it will not be faced again. So here we go.

1) I am here not for myself but for others.
2) Positive realism will now take place, gone are the days of realism alone.
3) Principles and convictions are based on morality and goodness.
4) In line with number 3, I will not longer speak bad words or make fun of things.
5) God will be our first and last resort.
6) AJ Perez is still the model for the way of living.
7) Focus will be placed again.
8) I will be more friendly.
9) I will forget everything that has happened.
10) Smiling, hoping, dreaming and praying are the answers to life's problems.
11) I will only tell everything that bothers me to the people whom i trust.
12) Thou shall never use the words FAIL and BYE.
13) I will always make sure that I will see the intrinsic goodness instead of the bad ones.

So those are the new rules :)

And the new life starts now :)

Party Life

So I'm writing this post an hour away from my 19th birthday.

I think it's not a secret that I've been through a hard time these past few months but I know I made peace with myself.

From everything that has transpired, I've learned many things, such as:
1) People don't change, we just evolve and discover who we really are.
2) We can't see God but He's real.
3) Life is short, it may be taken away from us anytime so make the most out of it.
4) Love can't be forced.
5) Give out and give in.

I'd like to say I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt for the past 19 years and say thank you to everyone who made it a life worth living.

So here we go..

To the Almighty God that has created me, thank you for everything. You've been there with me through every step of the way, the good and the bad times. I think this simple statement isn't enough how grateful I am for the blessings You've showered me.

To my family, thank you for being there though we had a lot of fights. Yes, I think I made peace with myself, including with you.

To my teachers since pre-school up to college, thank you for being so understanding with my short- comings. I know that I'm the kid who's not really a fast learner. Also, I'm super stubborn and too darn lazy so thank you for understanding.

To my MKA32 classmates, thank you for being my driving force to continue this course. Without you guys, I think I already transferred to another school and shifted to another course.

To AJ Perez, thanks sir for your tweets. I know you can't physically read this but I think you can read it from up there. Thanks for..you know what it is. Thanks for those 2 great helps! I  owe you 2! You're still my idol and I hope I'll see you soon! I miss you #nowplaying tweets!

To Serlyn, thanks for being my friend for 3 years. Uy, 3 years oh! hahaha Anyways, thanks for listening to the pointless and dumb things I've been telling you since first year.

To JC, sir, thanks for the game tickets, ride going home, music, jokes, ojt but more than that, thanks for listening to every problem, whether family or love, and my deepest and darkest secrets. Thanks for not telling those to others. 'Wag mo sabihin yun sa iba, deepest and darkest yung alam mo, seriously. Thanks too for those advice that you gave me. 'Yaan mo, gagawin ko na yung text. Tama ka, I got nothing to lose hahaha So yun, andami ng part mo haha Tara SG ulit tapos jaywalk! haha

To MYX Philippines, especially to VJ Chino and Bianca, thanks for being there 24/7, not only for me, during those sleepy exam review moments. You guys are very funny. Avid Wer U At watcher here!

To Cher, I think this might sound weird but thanks for replying to my tweets. And oh, your tweets make me smile and learn too! :)


So that's it, I thanked everyone I want to thank before my 19th birthday. Let's cheer to this one!

3 Days

Impossible.

Yeah.

Yes, I'm on a mission and it's impossible yet I can't stop. I dunno how to stop myself. I fell. I deeply fell.

I really dunno how to start this post. Everything's pretty mixed up on my clouded mind.

Well, just bear with me or leave.

This thought of mine has been on my mind for 3 days now. It started as a small "what if." "How can I continue with this?" I asked myself while on mass. Still no answer.

Yesterday we went out to a mall and transferred to the nearby too. That move made me sort of wake up, as I was too sleepy. I didn't get to see someone there. Apparently, she was on the side of the cinema while we were on the main atrium. What's annoying is that we went to the same fastfood drive- thru.

Earlier I asked myself on if ever I saw her with her family, how am I gonna react. I had some hypothetical answer but man, it was freakin' bad! Torpeng torpe dating!

Oh well, build friendship first. First bridge to kill those high walls down.

I think if we'll be together, this will be a classic Pinoy Tale.

Smile, Forever Young =)

Antonello Joseph Sarte Perez.

February 17, 1993- April 17, 2011.

18 years, 2 months, 0 weeks, 0 days, 0 hours, 10 minutes of a short yet well- lived life.

Rest in Peace.

Amen.

The warmth of your smile will be forever cherished, your gentleness will always be remembered. An angel sent from above, our source of light, hope, and strength. - AJ's epitaph

So I'm writing this post while here in Manila Memorial Park. My father and I went to his tomb at around 8:30am. Well, Steph's direction was quite right. "After the bridge, turn left then look for Tamarind Lane and ask the guards for direction," she tweeted me. Yeah but it was farther. It's near the Elizalde Gate but it's no biggie. Back April 26, during his interment, I promised him and myself that I would visit him on November 1. I kept my promise. We got lost upon reaching him. When I saw his tomb, everything came back from that faithful Palm Sunday. I was online when he tweeted his last tweet. I went offline 10 minutes before the news broke on his kingdom, Twitter. Yeah, just like a plain kingdom from a far away land set long, long time ago, the news first broke on the social network he really loved to use. It's still surreal. It was surreal.

In order to keep the sadness away, we have to move on. Moving on is not done overnight. I, myself, is not personally known by AJ but there's what we call "a person who has touched many lives until the end." From his simple thoughts up to being proud of graduating from LSGH has been cherished not only by his family and friends but also his fans. From that point, we can keep his happy memories and leave the bitter ones behind. Cherish his the warmth of his smiles, the gentleness of his voice and sincereness in every word.

Yes, I'm an avid fan. He is my idol. I try to pattern everything from him. My iPod is a silent witness to that. All the songs that he tweeted as "#nowplaying" is still on my iPod. From that, the "17" playlist was born with Fall Out Boy's Sugar We're Falling Down as the first song to be played, always.

This man is truly missed. He will be forever young. He will be forever loved, remembered and missed. AJ, see you soon!

I think this will prolly by the last post about his passing. If there will be a post about him, it will be a happy one. Long live Antonello!Live AJ in our hearts, Forever! ANIMO AJ!

Outburst!

They say that moving on from something you love is the hardest thing to be done on earth. Whether moving on from love or death, it doesn't matter. But why is it easy for me?

Perhaps you will ask me "Saan ka mag-momove on? May namatay ba? Naging kayo ba?" Yes, nobody from my family and friends died(Perhaps I could put AJ Perez here. Yeah, He's my idol and it still feels surreal but I'm coping up.) and we were never together. That fact we have never been a couple is saddening and making things complicated as it seems. NO.

We were never a couple. Her friends would just tag me and make us an item because they know what I feel for her. I tried every way to communicate with her. Text, call, commenting, posting, tweeting, DMing. Name it, I did it. Nothing seemed to work. Yeah, some of it worked but nothing was changed on my brand positioning on her mind. Naks, marketing guy oh! haha Anyway, I think in her mind, I'm still like her old schoolmate and kuya. Oh well, she could have told me that.

I did my best to communicate with her but I guess and I want to think that she's just goddamn respectful that she doesn't want to tell me to stop and it would be very awkward since I never told her that I love her. What keeps me still thinking is that se could have at least replied to most of it then gradually lessening it to put me on a lighter note instead of like this. Well, obviously she doesn't like. Who am I to be liked?

But going back to the topic(Yeah, that was just a pretty long, bitter and biased background) here's the deal: WHY IS IT EASY FOR SOME, LIKE ME, TO MOVE ON?

I know it doesn't really apply to me since I still can't with AJ's passing. Yes, This guy doesn't know me but man he's too young and good to be taken away from us right? There are other kids, especially those good for nothing, who are great and viable catch for the grim reaper right? See what I mean with Can't-move-on-with-AJ's-death thing right? But what about her? My classmate told me that prolly I can say these things because I never loved her because if I did, I won't say those things. Screw her and her traditional thoughts. "Don't believe in her," her suitor said. Yeah I shouldn't. They don't know what happened. They don't know how much effort I spent just to do those things. Only two people in this planet will agree with me. Oh prolly just one. The other doesn't really know what really happened. The truth is I loveD her with all my heart but it was just wasted. Yes, my time, effort and money was just wasted. They just don't know what's the reason why I can say all those things and why I could watch her be set on burning flames. They just don't know how much I was hurt by those tiny little thing she would love to call respect. That respect tried to kill me. If I continued pursuing her, probably you'll just hear it from somebody else that I hanged myself. You guys just don't know what I did for her. You just don't know how much heartache I felt for every moment she doesn't appreciate what I did. You just don't know how many times I felt like killing myself just to end up the misery I felt from loving her. You just don't know how many times I tried to look happy for you while inside I'm dying because of that shit thing I called feelings for her. You just don't know how many times I talked to myself and told it to be more patient as in no time, everything will pay back. You just don't know how many times I just laid on my bed and cry because of feeling like a shit because of her! Do you know that? Of course no! You wouldn't listen! All you know are just your traditional ways of courting. Those setting aside the guy's feeling for your own sake! You just don't know how many times I felt being sorry for being me! That's the worst feeling in this world. Now tell me that I don't have any reason to tell those things?

Luckily, someone was there to pick me up. All the time, she was there. She is my friend and I love her. This time, everything would fall back into their proper places.

Yes, I've fallen out but I've fallen again. But this time, I now it's real and correct.

Thanks for listening on my outburst. :)

31st Cancellation

I think it's about time for you guys to know what happened last Saturday night. Yes, we freaked out at AJ's party. Here's the reason why.

So the party was almost done, we have changed our clothes and went with the usual camwhore moments. Sam and I were playing with JC's slr. So we were taking pics, that time it was my moment. She took a picture of me next to the empty bottles of Tanduay Ice we drank. It was just me, the bottles, the window of a room and the darkness. Sam took a picture of mine. Right after seeing the picture she screamed "Ano 'to?! Bakit ganun?!" She almost dropped the slr then gave it to JC. Shocked by her reaction, we approached JC. Even JC was shocked. All of us were shocked. I WAS HEADLESS IN THE SAID PICTURE. I wasn't totally headless because there was my lower jaw. They told us that probably either of us moved. We said no. "Just look on the picture. Everything's clear except JM's head. Plus it took me some time to take it," Sam explained. JC, Inno and I zoomed the picture. It's freaky to see me headless but this is now way freakier. The lower jaw wasn't mine. The teeth and bone structure were different. It wasn't mine. The teeth were longer and the chin there was protruding. Even the facial hair wasn't mine since it was so evident. Yes, I have many facial hair but I shaved that day and even though I have thick facial hair, you can't see it on any picture. JC zoomed the picture again and Inno noticed that there was a head near the window but it wasn't mine. Even I agreed. It wasn't I. We agreed to delete the said picture as it connotes my death. Inno then told us that even before the party, he saw a ghost. He literally went face to face with it when Mico turned off the light. He said the ghost blocked me on the picture and that the jaw and the head was the ghost. On a somewhat lighter note, he said that the ghost was harmless but rather happy that there are people in the house. What made me rethink of everything that has happened is that days before the party, I finally made my "last will" that I even uploaded here.

That my friends is my sharing for this halloween. Too bad we deleted the picture. This is HWN102.

Don't tell me that we were just drunk that we imagined things. First, not everyone got drunk. It was just I, JC, Mico, RJ, Mimay, Darica and Jopay who drank. We even got drunk after the picture was taken. Yes, we had Tanduay Ice minutes before but a bottle won't get you drunk, not even dizzy. Second, even the owner of the house said that there really is something in that house.

HWN101

(This is a re-post from my old blog. I posted this a year ago for Halloween and I'm posting it again for the same reason. However, I'll be posting on story soon. It's way frightening.)

Have you ever had the feeling that someone is behind you despite the fact that nobody is there and there's a cold blanket that surrounds you? Maybe trying to film something but it doesn't work cause it's about a sensitive issue?

----------

The 'Unlockable' Cubicle

It was a very boring day at school for me, again. I decided to go to the restroom since I need to pee. I usually go there for about five minutes: 2 minutes for walking to and from, 1 minute for peeing and 2 minutes for unwinding(looking at the window). When I went out of the room it seemed that a cold blanket was wrapped around me. I felt frightened already yet I just saw the window was open so I just told myself that it might just be the wind even though I know for a fact that there is now wind at all, just to set aside my fear. So I walked fast and when I entered the restroom, I felt that something is wrong cause the first cubicle was locked. So because I was frightened, I did my thing very fast and almost ran back to the room. It just took me 2 minutes to do all those things. When I went back, I told my two classmates about that. They said "Baka naman may tao or may lock talaga yun." I said "No, kasi that's the one I use frequently and walang lock. Tsaka if someone is actually using it, it's impossible for him to lock it. Kahit umiihi siya, di naman niya maisasara yun ng ganun ka- tight, kung nakaupo siya di niya maisasara yun ng paa niya since di na siya makakaupo nun and I would see his slacks at walang ingay or any movement na maaninag eh." Then they said that I might just be hungry. Coincidentally the next week, all three of us went there at the same time. The cubicle was open. I said to them "See, walang lock, sira yung pinto." They said wag kang manakot then we all ran away.

----------

The Department

We were asked by our REED professor to make a presentation on certain matters on morality and abortion was given to us. We had an idea to make a documentary about it and ask our other professors to give their insight and what their subject tells about that. We went to the Social Sciences department and asked our prof if he can give an insight on the history of abortion of in the country. Since it was past six o'clock we tried the camera first so that the lighting would be good and so as the audio quality. We tried it on our classmate and it did good. We started filming and in the middle of the filming, the camera said an error occurred. The part of it wasn't saved. We tried it again and there it goes again. We decided just to use a cell phone camera and it worked but it was a low quality footage. When our classmate was filming with his cell phone we tried the camera on our classmate again and it worked. The next day, as we were eating, my classmate(who was using the dslr on the said filming) told me this "Michael, alam mo yung kahapon, yung kay Sir Jigs, ayaw gumana nung camera di ba? pero kay rj gumagana." I told her na there might just be something wrong with the position. She replied " Hindi eh, sa kahit ano naman pwede yan eh. Tsaka 3 times nangyari. Gumagana din siya nun kay Sir kapag hindi tungkol dun yung pinag-uusapan eh.Parang may pumipigil dun sa lugar na yun para mapag- usapan yun." I said "Oo nga. ano kaya ang meron dun at ayaw magpakuha."

When I'm Dead

I told myself 6 months ago that I'm going to write this.

If I'm going to die, I want to die from an accident or heart attack when I'm asleep so I won't feel any pain. I felt so many pain in my life that I don't want to feel it by the moment I die but if I would die of natural cause please follow these:

1) Let me die on either sunset or sunrise.

2) Make me face it. Let me see the last sunrise/ sunset of my life.

Donate every single organ that's possible to be donated. Even donate some parts to medical students. I want them to continue their lives with me and learn with me. Donate all of my things too to the poor, except for my iPod, laptop and phone.

Get Arlington Memorial to service me. Get a plain white coffin for me. It can either be wood or metal, as long as it's white. Let me wear a simple coat, white long sleeves polo and black tie. Also, don't tell everyone that I died. Just tell my close friends and close relatives. Tell others about my passing after my 40th day. If they are going to attend my wake (3 days and 2 nights, including the day I die), tell them to please wear white. I want my wake to be in a chapel, not in my house. Tell them not to bring anything, I neither need food nor flowers. They can just simply bring cash or prayer cards. The cash that they will bring will be donated to a foundation, any foundation that's about youth empowerment. Use my iPod during my wake. Play every single song in it, no stopping. Nobody shall cry during my wake and interment. No eulogy please since I'm no longer there to listen to it and it will just make some people cry. At my requiem mass, play these songs:

Entrance- Home by Gary Valenciano

Communion- Anima Christi

Final Blessing/ Exit- Face of God and Breath of God by Bukas Palad

As you bury me, play these songs:

1) Forever Young- Jay Z, Alphaville and Youth Group Version

2) Party Life, Original and Remix (Quest)

As they put my coffin 6 feet under, please put my iPod, laptop and cellphone inside of my coffin. Please charge them too.

After my interment, just go back to your regular lives. Go partying, don't cry.

During my 9th death day, just simply pray for me. Instead of eating, just give the money to charity.

The same shall apply on my 40th day and 1st death anniversary.

Unfamily Me

Earlier this morning, before going out of my bed, I confronted myself. I first went through with forgiving myself for everything that hurt me. There came a lot of things. I never knew that I still carry those things. To make the long story short, I did what I should do and went away with it. Next thing that I have to arrange is my problem with my family. They don't know about it because I did my best to hide it. It was actually a suggestion from my friend when I told him that I'm going to fix everything about myself. He's the only one who knows about this. So when I told myself about family, things started to be different. I suddenly burst into tears. Everything went back. Even those bad childhood memories that I knew I forgot all these years went back. It was just hidden under those fake smiles when we talk about family. I know you may ask what my problem is. You would probably say "Hey you grew up on a complete family. You travel a lot. You've been to places we've never been. You went there with your family, right? You get everything you want. What's the big fuss? Screw you man, you're living a near perfect life so what's this all about?" Well guys, what you've seen is just a pretty big picture, you've never seen the details. Only one person knows about this, aside from me. I never lived a near perfect life. Being me sucks. Yes, I have a complete family but what's the sense of being complete if you can't feel the love. Yeah they love each other but me. Do they love me? I dunno. Care, perhaps. Love is different from care. Caring is conditional while love is unconditional. They don't love me. They just care for me. Perhaps they're just there. Just to suffice what the constitution, morals and customs has mandated them. But love, I don't think so. I never felt being loved by my parents. They never loved me. I bet if they will read this, instead of feeling bad for me they would even tell me "Anong hindi ka namin mahal? Punyeta ka baka gusto mong lumayas ng maramadaman mong di ka namin mahal?" See what I mean? That would be 85% correct. They never loved me and perhaps they never will. Instead of asking what's wrong and would comfort me, that's what I will get. I would be even happy to run away from them, I just could not do that as of the moment. I neither have a job nor a college diploma. Once that I have a good paying job and a diploma, I bet I would buy myself a new house where I can feel being loved, even if I'm alone. It's better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who are telling you lies t=since childhood that they love you. How can they say they love me with all those things they say if I forgot to simply cover the food? It's like getting capital punishment for that. I can't blame myself for not loving them. Yes, I don't really love them. If they hate, I don't hate them. I just can't love them back because how can you love back if there's no love to be rooted from them. I'm no saint to do that. I'm just being neutral. I won't love them or hate them. That's why I envy those kids who come from a broken family yet they are being loved by their parents. At least he/ she is loved by his/ her parents despite of ending up separated. It's even way better to be poor and loved than to have a pretty good financials but no love from your parents. Now, classmates, tell me that she's the epitome of a mother. Can you? I just hope that someday they will learn to love me. I just hope that that someday isn't far enough as my "love" is slowly fading away.

6th Floor People

Fun.Outrageous.Supercalifragilistic

Day 1 (Manila)

10am

We left La Salle for NAIA3 riding the van. Yeah, MKA32's your boss. Everyone's on the bus except us. Now you know who's your boss.

That van ride made us realize something. Ma'am Vangie's not your average prof. If basagan's your trip, go with her haha

130-430pm

Am i making this day very detailed? Yes, I'm making it as detailed as possible. Why? NVM.

So we arrived at NAIA and checked- in. AJ actually had a hard time going through the immigration cause she's still 17 b but our prof made things go smooth sailing. After that, we got our money's changed to USD then had a smoogie at Tokyo Cafe. My smoogie's got hair in it! Damn! Yeah it has hair but luckily Tokyo Cafe's really nice to have my smoogie changed. But after that, I learned that my 100 bucks was missing. (I won't tell it here. I already made a post about that.)

430pm

We flew to Singapore for 3 hours.

730- 930pm

We arrived at Changi and ate and was supposed to meet up at 10pm.

1045pm

It's the first time we saw Ma'am Chona so angry. Yes, it was our fault. We we're late by 45 minutes cause we ate at T3 instead of taking McDo at T2.

1130pm

We arrived at the hotel and checked- in. My roommates were Inno and JC at 632. at 629 were Mimay, Annabz and Hazel.

Day 2

Tara lakad.

It was 1am and JC and I walked the streets looking for McDo cause he was hungry. Apparently, the nearest McDo was in Bugis but it's too far so we end up at 711 and other stores.

I never jaywalked here in Manila but I did in Singapore. We jaywalked but managed to get through without paying any fine. We thought that the officer's going to arrest us since a police mobile followed us. Thanks! That's one of my most memorable memory in SG! haha

We just talked about our love lives and problems that time.

5-830 am

We woke up and ate. We weren't late and was the first one among the group to get fixed and ready to go.

9am

We went to NEWater in Bedok. Nothing much happened.

10am- 630pm

We were in USS.

We went to the store first. RJ, JC and I were left there. (Darn. I just sound like a total dork. jmz, try to get better words. Grade 1 ka ba?)

Anyway, we were lost and saw Kurt's group (Oh yeah! 5th floor people!) and went with em. There was this ride, it's near the Shrek ride. Jc and I were supposed to ride that t'was a roller coaster. WAG NA SIR! haha So we just looked for the 6th floor people and found em after roaming the whole park.

After that we tried Shrek 4D. It was awesome. Next please. (Mummy na!xD)

Now the Mummy. Mummy..Mummy..Mommy!

Before entering that ride, I knew I already tried that ride in USS CA. And I was right. It was the tram ride in CA. Now, I can't blame my younger self for crying as I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Accelerator. Whew. I vomited. I hate spinning rides.

Battle Star Galactica is not your plain average rollercoaster. Jaja and Sai rode it for like 10 times. You already guys. Astig niyo. You can't make us ride that. (As of this writing, JC had his rollercoaster pic. Finally. He had this with Annabz's Mac. Hindi pa din nag-try. haha)

After that we went to the store again and RJ bought some. Btw, Rj's a 5th floor person. Nakiki-join lang siya :))

7pm

After that we went back to our hotel. We ate there since the food at USS are frickin expensive! So we just ordered pizza for 17 bucks and it was effin good. After that we went to room 629 and played with their doorbell. That doorbell actually got screwed up after many play time. We played UNO too! RJ, it's uno and not majhong. you're supposed to shout uno only. Not majhong or my name. Yeah it was hella fun. It was also the longest uno game I ever played. from 7pm to 11pm! Annabz actually won at around 8 and she just played stacko while waiting for us. She's the only winner actually cause we didn't finished it.

1130- 1am

"Tara lakad ulit."

"Tara Mustafa."

Yeah Mustafa's just 15 minutes away from us. We went there with the 5th floor people. 632 meets 5th floor. We just went to McDo and went out cause of a reason. Won't tell it! haha

Day 3

830- 1

We went to PHL embassy and SMU. zzzzz... not our thing. Only a few people enjoyed this part.

130

We ate this Malay restaurant in Joo Chiat and it wasn't awesome. Just imagine, we asked for drinking water and the waiter gave us warm water. WTH. oh well, can't blame em. Cultural difference. NOT BEING RACIST HERE.

230pm

We went to URA Centre and I realized that I should take a short architecture course.

3pm-6pm

Chinatown! Yeah I love that place! I'll go there again when I go back to SG! We almost got into a fight with an Indian seller cause JC told her that her price is so high and that back in PH she can buy that for like 8SGD. takbo hits! haha

Oh well, that was effin' funny. I still managed to buy 2 perfumes for my siblings. 10SGD for each? Not bad!

Btw, JC bought a personalized cellphone charm for Hazel. ayeeeeee <3

Hazel got it broken but she still kept it. ayeee <3 :))

Agang valentine's day right? :))

11pm

We went to Mustafa again and bought chocolates. I bought Gobstoppers cause me and my siblings love it but I bought lots and lots of Lindt cause I love Lindt. Yes, I LOVE LINDT.

1230am
They got pissed off with RJ and JC cause they caused the delay. Not taking sides but I guess we went at there at midnight cause we were expecting that they were ready for shopping til 3am. Oh well, they can't do that. Noted.

Day 4(Last Day)

9am

We went to the Merlion but didn't ride the cruise. Instead, we just went to Starbucks and bought the anniversary tumbler and talked about our love lives. Yeah, that's how we function.

10am

We went to Bugis and bought those I <3 SG shirts at Giordano. Bugis is much like Serendra and Market! Market!. A road defines social class. Sad but true.

230pm

We hate going down. We don't like to go to Ikea. Weh?

Jaja and I wasn't supposed to go to Ikea but since we were already there, we gave it a shot. We ended up buying the most. hahahahahaha

3pm

We arrived at Changi for our flight.

4pm

We roamed the airport. Bought a shirt at Billabong. Oh yeah, I went back to the sale I saw.

9pm

We headed back to MNL.

Day 5(Technically)

1215am

We landed. (Imma tell that story in another post. The funny post! haha)

PS

So if you guys want to break me, ask JC for my deep problems and dark secrets but i bet he won't tell you. haha

Reinado de los Codiciosos

Here are my compiled daily thoughts on the PAL outsourcing plan. You may say it's biased because I'm a son, sibling and nephew of PAL employees but taking those facts out, i would still stand by this because i believe in the karma principle. so PAL, what goes around comes around. better watch out.

you know PALEA is not just fighting for their jobs. if people can only see what it means to the whole system. if this plan would continue (obviously it will) it just shows that we, the common workers, will no longer have the rights and privileges of a regular employee, it includes a good take home pay. more than that pay, it will just simply mean that the dignity of a common worker is lessened since he/ she can be fired after his/her contract expires. it's what we call security of job tenure. giving PAL this go signal is a big proof for all the companies that they can outsource everyone except for the top management for PAL is a national symbol wherein they can copy its acts. the government just saw the short- term effect of this plan, they haven't really seen the long- term effects, that includes a more unequal distribution of wealth in this very unequal country. is this the government we voted for or is this the government the rich people wants? just to remind the government, only 1% are class AB people. wake up!

___

PNOY, economic sabotage is when you let people work under contracts wherein they can't receive the salary and benefits of a regular employee. what you have done is a way of giving the wealth of the nation to the powerful and greedy (just like you?) and letting the common people suffer the consequences of your actions. you are not the president of the republic, you are just the president of the rich. wake up before your plane crashes down.

___

tomorrow is the day that they made. capitalism isn't bad but too much of it is bad. 09.30.11. after this day, your company will fall instead of rising back. pal mgnt, remember karma.

___

remember 09.23.98? if not, remember 09.30.11. eff those capitalist people. blame em, together with this effin shit we call governement, for the unequal distribution of wealth. buti pa si erap he placed the company under receivership to save thousands of jobs.

___

You can say that your under normal operation if you are operating ALL of your flights not by cancelling your other flights.

Snack Menu: Troubled Love Life

So we went to our friends/ classmates house earlier and talked about our love life. Damn, most of us got the, i think, most troublesome. We ended up with those quotes. Gutom lang yata e :))

Even Angles Have Their Wicked Schemes

"Tangina, nasan na ba yun?"

I'm not looking for Elisa but for my $100. At NAIA3 I lost part of my pocket money. I dunno who took it but..NVM.

The lesson that I learned is not to easily trust, especially giving em a whole big bunch of it, for they would let you down. Now, i'm taking back those trust coupons from a lot of people and letting 3 people keep their share. DAMN.

How can you call an angel an angel if they still can't turn away from their old wicked ways?

I just hope somebody had fun using it.

Uncelebrated

One weird thing about me: I don't celebrate my birthday. I don't even tell people my birthday. I hate it when someone would greet me twice. I don't know why. Until this day came.

Just this morning my mom and I had a little fight. Too little but it made me realize many things. It started because i didn't get all the socks yesterday. I just got mine. I know it was my bad but telling me all those words? Man, I know I'm stupid but I got feelings too. She even saw some wrongs things that I didn't do. The question that popped out of my mind was "Why does she terribly hates me? Is it because of the socks thing or she just fucking hates me?" I really dunno. I could accept the socks thing but those other things, nope.

I realized that she doesn't love me. She has been using that cliche for like 3 times in a day to me but wala pa din e. I guess that's the reason why I don't want to celebrate my birthday and just waiting for my death. Yeah, I would be happy to accept my death. I would be very glad if I would get hit by a truck before going back to this house. Why? Simple reason. I just want to die and let my mom feel that burden that I died hating her. Because of this, I wouldn't talk to her anymore. Even reaching out. Wala na e, saturated na ko. Sawang sawa na ko. Lagi na lang ganyan. I know that her simple words "Wag mo na ulitin yun" are meaningless for if I'd screw up again, she'd tell it all again. Plus, if I would die soon, tell my mom and family that I don't like them to neither arrange my funeral nor go to my wake. They can just simply give my body to med students and use it for studying. Ayoko ng plastikan sa kamatayan ko. Just tell them party for 3 days and 3 nights for the kid they hated since birth already died. I just wish them that the would carry the burden of me dying unhappy.

Breaking Point

Earlier I played Home, To See The Face of God and Breath of God. The three songs that can surely make me cry and yeah I did. I just needed to. Out of the blue, everything popped up. Even those things that I thought I have forgiven myself because I have dealt with em fairly and they're all years ago. But you can't hide that I guess. It will just pop up out of nowhere when you're feeling so low and making you want to kill yourself. While playing those three songs I was crying and asking for God to take me away from this place. Why? Because I know I did so many wrong things, I failed so many people, I did not only let myself down but also those people who believe in me and I felt useless and just a waste of space. Until now, I still wish that He would call me home tonight. That's the place where I'm safe from all the things that I did and haunts me. I know I shouldn't escape these things but you can't blame me. I thought dealing those things that way would ease everything and would put the pieces into their proper place but it didn't happen. Instead, I was like a mirror. A mirror being shattered by my own self. Killing myself slowly with all those things that I did. Now, I guess I made peace with myself(at least) and ready to go. I'm ready to go to a journey where there would be no people who would pressure me to do this and that. No one who would tell me that I'm not good enough. There will be no people who would show me how to live this life but instead they will tell me to be who I am. I know that place is home and I know that I'm at my house but not at home. I just want to back to my home. I'm ready. Let me go first, let those other people do the things they want to do because I already did my stuff and if I would continue, I might just get screwed up again and again. Please take me, I'm ready to go now and I guess the people around me wants me to go too. Not because they know the things I'm dealing with but because I hurt them. Sorry for those things guys. I just hope I can go back home tonight and never make you feel bad again.

Now, I dunno how to face tomorrow. I guess I just need some time to think on how to get back this shattered pieces back into place. I thought got them fixed so many times but I think those attempts were useless as for every attempt, I just break em more and more.

You Know I Must Have My Reasons

On this day, God wants you to know

... that all is well. What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?

Well, everything happens for a reason but what if the reason isn't justifiable enough to justify the cause?

These past few weeks, we've been bombarded with a lot of things. I did something that I wasn't supposed to do and its consequences are starting to unfold. I know and I will take all the blame for the bad things it has caused. What's hard here is that they neither show it nor imply though I can feel it. I feel really bad for what I've done. That's the reason why I commonly post "/wrist" posts. I just want to die or to escape this but I know escaping, especially dying isn't the best way to stop this problem. But getting the message above, it gave me a ray of light. I know that everything will be alright though it this situation shows that it won't be soon.

GV

Everything’s turning to be fine today. I didn’t expect that this day would be this nice. Well, everything happens for a reason I guess.

Last night I posted that you can put the blame on me. Right? Well, this thing created something. I dunno if we have to believe and hold it as the truth but we can’t let this thing pass as this might be real. I guess, we gotta be vigilant. Whatever happens, whether good or bad, I’m still taking the blame. Now, I’m ready to die for I know I have done everything in a way that I want.

P.S.

This message sounded like a goodbye letter. Am I going to die soon? I dunno but the only thing that I know is that I’m feeling better now than yesterday. GV all the way. Lemme die right now, lemme die happy.

Blame Me

I know it's hard to admit our mistakes but I gotta do it. I admit that everything started with me. I shouldn't have said that. Now you can put the blame on me. I won't get angry if you hit me on the face. I will let you say bad words about me. I deserve it. It's nothing compared on what I did and what are the consequences of my action. I'm sorry for what I did and its effects.

Am I Better Off Dead or Am I Better Off a Quitter?

In most relationships, men are said to be the ones who commit mistakes. HELL. we're not just the ones who make, you ladies to do but why do we all get the blame? It's like for every heartbreak, you'd put the blame on us, can't you hear our side?

Even from the start of a relationshit, oh, I mean relationship, we are the ones who have a hard time. Why? Do you think it's easy to tell someone you like/ love em at the expense of your friendship? Man, that's very hard. Imma give myself as an example. I've liked this girl for 3 years now but I can't tell her that I love her. I know that she already knows that but I just can't tell her since I'm too scared of not only failure but it might give an end to our friendship. See what I mean? It's not "ka-torpehan" that really stops us from telling you but the fear of losing you even as a friend. Moreover, some girls create walls instead of bridges. I just dunno why do they even bother. Can't you just tell it straight to our face that you don't like us instead of slowly implying it and killing us with your smokin' good looks and smile?

Well, I already laid my cards here. It's just the girls who feel sorry in a relationshit, oh relationship, sorry again, but us too. Even from the start. It's hard to feel rejected by the person you love so slowly and trying to imply it on you. Ladies, that's the ugly truth. Goodnight!

Who? What? Me?

I'll take character over reputation...your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

I think most of you just heard or read this quote when AJ Perez died last April 17. Actually, AJ wasn't the one who said it. It was Drake, a singer he adored. Enough for the intro I guess and let's get down to business. What would you take, character or reputation?

We may say that both words mean the same thing but it isn't. Putting it down into simpler terms, reputation is what you see based from what others think or what the society implies on a certain person or thing while character is what really makes up a person or thing. For me, I's take character. I know that reputation is sort of important in our society but I just want to know a person based on his character. Let's take a politician as our example(classic right?) He may have a good image but a trash character. But we know for a fact that it just doesn't happen in politics but also in our daily personal lives. Just like in our favorite topic, LOVE. Most people fall in love not because of the character but because of his reputation. They say that they love the person for who he is but man we gotta admit that it is a big lie or at least a mistake. They just tend to see the superficial. They commonly associate reputation with character. Yeah, their interrelated but in just a little way. Let's see here the movie "A Walk To Remember." Landon is branded as the black sheep of his school. He's into every trouble that is possible and thinkable. On the contrary, Jamie is known to be the kid who can't break a plate. Yeah she was indeed nice. She was the pastor's daughter and everyone loves her. But how did she fell in love with Landon? Simple. She scrapped everything that is superficial and let a ray of light penetrate her mind and heart and see what's inside of Landon's heart. She saw there pureness, truth and love. Tho most people, including her father, was not at ease with their relationship, Landon proved em wrong. He tried and did his best to change their perception. In the end, Jamie died. Just kidding but yeah she died but the ending I'm talking here is that Landon was perceived as good here. So what's my point? When you love someone, you just gotta give em a fighting chance or at least a chance. You should not just lean on what people think about em but let that ray of light penetrate your mind and heart and scrape all those ugly things people have tagged that person and see what's inside that person. I'm telling you, even the worst person has something good hidden in his heart. It's just that there's no one who appreciate it so he lets the dark side win. Maybe you can be the one to let that darkness fall and let goodness win? :)

The Kid's Gotta Be A Kid Too

I can't understand those moms and pops who would let their kid use gadgets, make- ups and teenage stuffs at an early age. Don't get me wrong but a kid's gotta be a kid.

While on our way to SM, my mom told me that my niece has her own dslr now. She's just 11 and I'm 18, turning 19. I dunno why her parents let her have that. Don't get me wrong but it's not worth it. She's a grade 6 student from a good-for-nothing school here in our village. They just rent a house down the street. They bought a brand new dslr. Awkward right? Can't they just enroll her into a better school or at least buy a house?

My other niece is also not an exception. The kid's just 7 and she's wearing high- heels(am i right with the term/spelling?) and make- up.

I just wonder what these kids would do when they reach the age of 15. PMS perhaps? Damn. You can't blame em if they do that. You raised em in such a way that they would feel that they're already in their teenage years but still not reaching it.

Hey Daydreamurrrrr

I think you guys know this song very much. Here's Somedaydream's Hey Daydreamer. Imma post something worth reading soon. Btw, I don't own the song.

Oh i could just pretend to be with you all day

Remember the feeling when we first held hands today

Imagine you in my favorite white dress

Smiling at me as if you think that I’m the best

You tell me You and me, sitting on a tree,

K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I tell you

Baby hear me out will you marry me tonight

We're in this make believe reality

And baby it's just you and me

Coz when tonight I hold you tight

I wonder if this fantasy is right

Coz when reality comes to play

I realize I couldn't make you stay

Hey Daydreamer

I gotta be prepared to leave you in my fantasy

Coz when it's over, I gotta make sure

that it's you who'll be with me

Oh I could be your soldier, your knight in shining armor

I'm sure I wanna make you feel how much I love you

And I wish to God that you can see the world in my eyes

So you can realize that you’re the girl in my mind

And I don't mind if I don't make it out alive

Coz I knew right from the start that you’re such a boy killer

(I'm dying, I'm dying~yeah)

Coz when tonight I hold you tight

I wonder if this fantasy is right

Coz when reality comes to play

I realize I couldn't make you stay

Hey Daydreamer

I gotta be prepared to leave you in your fantasy

Coz when it's over, I gotta make sure

that it's you who'll be with me

And I couldn't believe I’m dreaming

I couldn't believe I’m leaving this world

For one with more fantasy, just you and me

So that tonight we both can finally be