Just this morning my mom and I had a little fight. Too little but it made me realize many things. It started because i didn't get all the socks yesterday. I just got mine. I know it was my bad but telling me all those words? Man, I know I'm stupid but I got feelings too. She even saw some wrongs things that I didn't do. The question that popped out of my mind was "Why does she terribly hates me? Is it because of the socks thing or she just fucking hates me?" I really dunno. I could accept the socks thing but those other things, nope.
I realized that she doesn't love me. She has been using that cliche for like 3 times in a day to me but wala pa din e. I guess that's the reason why I don't want to celebrate my birthday and just waiting for my death. Yeah, I would be happy to accept my death. I would be very glad if I would get hit by a truck before going back to this house. Why? Simple reason. I just want to die and let my mom feel that burden that I died hating her. Because of this, I wouldn't talk to her anymore. Even reaching out. Wala na e, saturated na ko. Sawang sawa na ko. Lagi na lang ganyan. I know that her simple words "Wag mo na ulitin yun" are meaningless for if I'd screw up again, she'd tell it all again. Plus, if I would die soon, tell my mom and family that I don't like them to neither arrange my funeral nor go to my wake. They can just simply give my body to med students and use it for studying. Ayoko ng plastikan sa kamatayan ko. Just tell them party for 3 days and 3 nights for the kid they hated since birth already died. I just wish them that the would carry the burden of me dying unhappy.
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