Breaking Point

Earlier I played Home, To See The Face of God and Breath of God. The three songs that can surely make me cry and yeah I did. I just needed to. Out of the blue, everything popped up. Even those things that I thought I have forgiven myself because I have dealt with em fairly and they're all years ago. But you can't hide that I guess. It will just pop up out of nowhere when you're feeling so low and making you want to kill yourself. While playing those three songs I was crying and asking for God to take me away from this place. Why? Because I know I did so many wrong things, I failed so many people, I did not only let myself down but also those people who believe in me and I felt useless and just a waste of space. Until now, I still wish that He would call me home tonight. That's the place where I'm safe from all the things that I did and haunts me. I know I shouldn't escape these things but you can't blame me. I thought dealing those things that way would ease everything and would put the pieces into their proper place but it didn't happen. Instead, I was like a mirror. A mirror being shattered by my own self. Killing myself slowly with all those things that I did. Now, I guess I made peace with myself(at least) and ready to go. I'm ready to go to a journey where there would be no people who would pressure me to do this and that. No one who would tell me that I'm not good enough. There will be no people who would show me how to live this life but instead they will tell me to be who I am. I know that place is home and I know that I'm at my house but not at home. I just want to back to my home. I'm ready. Let me go first, let those other people do the things they want to do because I already did my stuff and if I would continue, I might just get screwed up again and again. Please take me, I'm ready to go now and I guess the people around me wants me to go too. Not because they know the things I'm dealing with but because I hurt them. Sorry for those things guys. I just hope I can go back home tonight and never make you feel bad again.

Now, I dunno how to face tomorrow. I guess I just need some time to think on how to get back this shattered pieces back into place. I thought got them fixed so many times but I think those attempts were useless as for every attempt, I just break em more and more.