Perhaps you will ask me "Saan ka mag-momove on? May namatay ba? Naging kayo ba?" Yes, nobody from my family and friends died(Perhaps I could put AJ Perez here. Yeah, He's my idol and it still feels surreal but I'm coping up.) and we were never together. That fact we have never been a couple is saddening and making things complicated as it seems. NO.
We were never a couple. Her friends would just tag me and make us an item because they know what I feel for her. I tried every way to communicate with her. Text, call, commenting, posting, tweeting, DMing. Name it, I did it. Nothing seemed to work. Yeah, some of it worked but nothing was changed on my brand positioning on her mind. Naks, marketing guy oh! haha Anyway, I think in her mind, I'm still like her old schoolmate and kuya. Oh well, she could have told me that.
I did my best to communicate with her but I guess and I want to think that she's just goddamn respectful that she doesn't want to tell me to stop and it would be very awkward since I never told her that I love her. What keeps me still thinking is that se could have at least replied to most of it then gradually lessening it to put me on a lighter note instead of like this. Well, obviously she doesn't like. Who am I to be liked?
But going back to the topic(Yeah, that was just a pretty long, bitter and biased background) here's the deal: WHY IS IT EASY FOR SOME, LIKE ME, TO MOVE ON?
I know it doesn't really apply to me since I still can't with AJ's passing. Yes, This guy doesn't know me but man he's too young and good to be taken away from us right? There are other kids, especially those good for nothing, who are great and viable catch for the grim reaper right? See what I mean with Can't-move-on-with-AJ's-death thing right? But what about her? My classmate told me that prolly I can say these things because I never loved her because if I did, I won't say those things. Screw her and her traditional thoughts. "Don't believe in her," her suitor said. Yeah I shouldn't. They don't know what happened. They don't know how much effort I spent just to do those things. Only two people in this planet will agree with me. Oh prolly just one. The other doesn't really know what really happened. The truth is I loveD her with all my heart but it was just wasted. Yes, my time, effort and money was just wasted. They just don't know what's the reason why I can say all those things and why I could watch her be set on burning flames. They just don't know how much I was hurt by those tiny little thing she would love to call respect. That respect tried to kill me. If I continued pursuing her, probably you'll just hear it from somebody else that I hanged myself. You guys just don't know what I did for her. You just don't know how much heartache I felt for every moment she doesn't appreciate what I did. You just don't know how many times I felt like killing myself just to end up the misery I felt from loving her. You just don't know how many times I tried to look happy for you while inside I'm dying because of that shit thing I called feelings for her. You just don't know how many times I talked to myself and told it to be more patient as in no time, everything will pay back. You just don't know how many times I just laid on my bed and cry because of feeling like a shit because of her! Do you know that? Of course no! You wouldn't listen! All you know are just your traditional ways of courting. Those setting aside the guy's feeling for your own sake! You just don't know how many times I felt being sorry for being me! That's the worst feeling in this world. Now tell me that I don't have any reason to tell those things?
Luckily, someone was there to pick me up. All the time, she was there. She is my friend and I love her. This time, everything would fall back into their proper places.
Yes, I've fallen out but I've fallen again. But this time, I now it's real and correct.
Thanks for listening on my outburst. :)
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